Sometimes I feel like they are just out to get me. Like it is their lives' sole purpose to make sure that I do not advance, that I do not grow, that I should never mature and be who I really was meant to be. Sometimes, I feel like life is out to get me, to make fail in living it fully.
It's been an interesting week. I have recovered fully from the events that led to the reflections in the last post (nothing major, just a near death experience), and put them all behind me. I have not swept them under the carpet, no. I have shared them, focused on them, and processed and made sure I will not remain traumatised the rest of my life. So don't worry, I'm fine. So fine in fact, I decided to channel my energies this week, not on worrying, but in improving myself. In making me a better me.
Truth be told, I feel like I have been a lazy bum, seated on my haunches and waiting for life to happen to me (not entirely true). But if the progress I've made this week alone is anything to go by, that analysis is not an unfair one. I have made strides in one week that some of my peers have taken months to make. I have made up for lost time and caught up with all those that were ahead of me in the game. If it can be called a game.
For a bit, some of my friends - and quite frankly, myself too - were worried that I was becoming a recluse. Retreating into a shell that would protect me from the worries of the world, while at the same time making me antisocial, a hermit. In the last week, I have broken past all that. I have put myself out there. So out I am popular even among strangers. I am more than I thought I could ever be. The limelight feels like home again. I had given up so much for the fear of a lot of things, but I decided to take the step. Be bold and live. Open up my life to the world, and the world loved me.
Right now, I know just how Jesus must have felt when he said no prophet is accepted in his own country. For while I'm at the peak of my positivity, popular among everyone, peers, seniors and juniors alike, even doing things that would please my family more than they would please me, my family is holding closed door meetings to discuss what a failure I am. Perhaps it was not very wise to hold that meeting right outside my window while I was trying to take a nap....
Ahaaa! Life.
It's been an interesting week. I have recovered fully from the events that led to the reflections in the last post (nothing major, just a near death experience), and put them all behind me. I have not swept them under the carpet, no. I have shared them, focused on them, and processed and made sure I will not remain traumatised the rest of my life. So don't worry, I'm fine. So fine in fact, I decided to channel my energies this week, not on worrying, but in improving myself. In making me a better me.
Truth be told, I feel like I have been a lazy bum, seated on my haunches and waiting for life to happen to me (not entirely true). But if the progress I've made this week alone is anything to go by, that analysis is not an unfair one. I have made strides in one week that some of my peers have taken months to make. I have made up for lost time and caught up with all those that were ahead of me in the game. If it can be called a game.
For a bit, some of my friends - and quite frankly, myself too - were worried that I was becoming a recluse. Retreating into a shell that would protect me from the worries of the world, while at the same time making me antisocial, a hermit. In the last week, I have broken past all that. I have put myself out there. So out I am popular even among strangers. I am more than I thought I could ever be. The limelight feels like home again. I had given up so much for the fear of a lot of things, but I decided to take the step. Be bold and live. Open up my life to the world, and the world loved me.
Right now, I know just how Jesus must have felt when he said no prophet is accepted in his own country. For while I'm at the peak of my positivity, popular among everyone, peers, seniors and juniors alike, even doing things that would please my family more than they would please me, my family is holding closed door meetings to discuss what a failure I am. Perhaps it was not very wise to hold that meeting right outside my window while I was trying to take a nap....
Ahaaa! Life.
0 comments:
Post a Comment